this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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