When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
Always great to be boarding a plane when you realize that what you thought was gas is actually very untrustworthy
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