So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I repeat do not go to a jail visit drunk, those stools are easy to fall off.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
