First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
YOU LET ME GO HOME WITH CREEPY RON JEREMY?!?
...and?
I hate when you're right.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Randomize
