so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Randomize
