u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
well when do great stories at the expense of people's relationships become a bad thing?
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
