i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
