There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
did i walk over a car last night?
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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