so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Parade of Dicks...that's what I'm calling 2017
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
Randomize
