i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
I just burped smoke on the bus. Hello 6:48am
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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