Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
