you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
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