ive never been so in love with another man before, in a totally none sexual way... no homo
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
Randomize
