I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
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