considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
there's a wrestler here in a Ferrari//puma hoodie who is telling girls his win//loss record as a pickup line.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
Doing coke by yourself isn't as fun. Even when you're watching a James Franco movie.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
Sext me about skeletons
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
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