That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
You should know two things about me,,,1) I am highly sexual and 2) I am HIGHLY competitive so you telling me about how much sex you had with the other girl makes me say "challenge accepted"... you should hydrate.
I'm questioning my decision to swallow this morning while my stomach was in hangover mode
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
I just borrowed porn from my middle aged mother. This is what desperate looks like.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
i just sneezed the second i jizzed and it got in my eye. words can't describe how much i hate life right now.
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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