Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
Randomize
