Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Now would be a good time to set your alarm to pick me up from jail in the morning.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
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