Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
i ditched last period to have sex with him. i had to change into my skank clothes in the church parking lot. little kids were on the swings.
nothing about this is right.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Less talking, more tequila
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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