plz talk dirty to me
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
Randomize
