No, you can still breathe under the balls.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Yeah I'm a responsible adult man but I legally unbind myself from anything that occurred that evening and am in no way responsible for those actions.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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