There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
the number of months ive had a girlfriend in my life divided by the number of blowjobs ive gotten is extremely depressing...
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Randomize
