its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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