It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
If I ever go to jail it will be because of you, I can feel it.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
