I like it. Barfy the gin-flavoured Assman
It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
