come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
