Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Randomize
