Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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