oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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