No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
