Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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