what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Randomize
