Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
Does making ice cubes at 4 in the morning count as being productive?
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
Can vaginas get frostbite?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
