I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
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