spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
