Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I wish you could order shots online.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
You know, be my cock's hype man.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
BTW send me your address and size of condoms you wish your lover was-- "if you build it, they will come"
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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