Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
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