I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
