I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
I dipped out before he woke up, but I made sure to take the pizza with me.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize
