just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
