Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
There is literally a guy in my class with a gallon of water and a trophy.
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Still dying that you shit outside
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
