yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
He introduced himself to me as "the gayest gay who ever gayed." I like him already.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Not sure. He doesn't know where New York is on a map but he gives an incredible spanking.
Who cares about New York?
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
