Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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