I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
