Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
Randomize
