party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
I can hear the condescending tone from the atm when it asks if $3 is all I would like to deposit
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
