Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
I must say your penis is just as photogenic as you
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
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