apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
Was I really yelling "girls night" at random chicks before stealing and drinking all their shots?
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
