why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
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