woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Don't be a dummy cum on the tummy. Make her a slut, and cum in her butt. Have no fear, jizz in her ear. Don't be a noob, cum on her boob. Forget her rack, blow on her back. Just take off your coat and jizz in her throat. And if she seals off her holes, cum in her rolls
is that a poem?!
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Please stop leaving drunk voicemails with your new black/Irish accent.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
