At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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