so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize
