just took a shot of grandma at the fucking bowling alley... this is going to be interesting
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Can you check on Mike in the bathroom. It's been like 20 min.
He's fine. He's just standing at the trash can in line for another beer from the keg. Nbd.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
