So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Pooping to opera.
Randomize
